walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
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I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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