Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
