I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
