i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
