I heard we made out
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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