fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
