paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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