Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
