There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize