i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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