Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
