Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
