I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Fuck appropriateness.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
