hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My pussy is not your playground.
do herpes really smell.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He passed out mid-signature
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
