Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize