We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
