I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You did what with his pubic hair?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
