Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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