Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
