I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
