Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
