Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
