I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
