I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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