Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
