So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
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My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
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They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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