i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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