matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
