I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
