so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize