i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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