i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
