You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
