I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
