the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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