They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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