So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
