Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
