Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
