At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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