just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
