I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I need a hoe opinion
go on
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
