You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This is my gift to your gina
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
