I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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