Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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