Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
