Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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