I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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