I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I came so hard my ears popped.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
