I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
