Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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