you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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