i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
