Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
