We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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