i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
