question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
this will be a night to untag.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We had sex on a dog bed..
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
