i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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