Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
