problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
