break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
