remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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