you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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