I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
