Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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