GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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